New Year, New Perspective on New Year’s Resolutions

Close friends, mom, select coworkers, and strangers-to-me who found this blog whilst Googling the lyrics to “I Got 99 Problems,” Happy New Year!

New Year, new blog design. That’s just how it is.

I’ve always hated New Year’s Eve, and for the second year in a row my plans to spend the holiday in New York City fell through. I did, however, ring in the new year with Chinese food, friends, and champagne, so I won’t complain too much.

I usually try to ignore the New Year as much as possible and view the numerical year shift as a continuation of time, rather than a new section of it. There’s just so much pressure to “start fresh,” — a phrase which implies we should improve every aspect of our lives, or even make them Pinterest-worthy. Because, you know, I have the time and ability to make myself look like this:

Or cook this:

Or live in this:

Except I’m not fictional. So, no, none of the photos above will ever represent my life. Well, maybe the Roasted Chicken Ramen. I can pretty much do anything I set my mind to if it involves noodles.

I’ve always been goal-driven, so I’m normally all over New Year’s resolution lists. Maybe I’ve been beaten down too much or have grown far too realistic in my old age (I’m a quarter of a century old!), but this year I had as much desire to make resolutions than I did to go back to work after a two-week break. I put enough pressure on myself as it is, and I’m in no place to set my self up for failure in any way. Instead, I reflected on my past year.

It wasn’t a good year for me. I honestly don’t have much in my life to complain about, but I definitely took a beating in 2014, both physically and mentally. Who gets sick three times in two months? This girl apparently.

But, but, BUT. You know what is incredibly awesome? I have no regrets from last year. None. Does that even happen to people? Although I found myself in some pretty disparaging situations, I cannot think of one decision I regret making. Everything I did was an effort to make sure things worked out for me, even if they didn’t. I had some success, and I had even more failure, but in the end I don’t regret my experiences. I choose to focus on that.

Sure, I know what I want to do this year. I want to further my career. I want to cook more. I want to start a book club where we get drunk at our meetings. I want to take just one Barre class because I know I’ll kill it. I want to eat more fruit and ingest more calcium and watch more movies and read more and spend more time with my family and be less picky about guys and travel somewhere and oh my god I just want so many things. But I’m going to do what I’m going to do, and a list won’t change that. I’m going to eat “too many” waffle fries and forego formal exercise for extended periods of time and binge-watch Sex and the City for the 10th time instead of read and make Trader Joe’s frozen meals instead of cook something from scratch and shoot down guys because their arms are too skinny. And I’m not going to keep myself from enjoying any of it just because it’s not on a list I wrote myself.

So, if you’re starting 2015 by beating yourself up about improving every aspect of your life, well, that’s fine if that’s your mode of motivation, self-improvement and attaining happiness. However, take a moment to think about if that’s really helping you thrive, or if it’s simply stressing you out.  Instead of only thinking of all the ways we suck and making lists of what we can do improve said sucky aspects of our lives, I suggest also reflecting on the previous year, focusing on its positive aspects and in which ways we “won.” If you feel worse afterwards, well, I’m sorry — my bad. But it could help lift your mood after you realize that the holidays are another 11 months away again.  Though you may not want to relive your past year as we head into a new one, it could help you out in the long-run. Hopefully, though, your reflections provide you with a heaping amount of awesome things you said, did, or accomplished last year. The list will most likely be longer than you think. After all, a lot can happen in a year.

OBC 19: What Books You’re Reading

I used to be a much more avid reader — I would spend my summer vacations reading all day. Sadly, when I graduated college, I was so overwhelmed by my 40-hour work weeks that I stopped reading for a while. I’ve since picked back up and started (unintentionally) this new thing where I read multiple books at once. I think they’re all slow to start, so I’m sure once I get into one I’ll stick with it until the end. So, yea, right now I’m reading an embarrassing amount of books to which I can’t seem to commit (though I’m sure that’s just me and they’re actually really good):

– Lifeboat by Charlotte Rogan

– Dreams of Joy by Lisa See (She’s one of my favorite authors and writes about women in ancient to current China)

– The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy (My absolute favorite author, and author of my favorite book, South of Broad)

– The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri (another one of my favorite authors)

– Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (it’s doubling as research for my novel)

I think I’m going to try to finish The Prince of Tides first — my mom loved the book so much she almost named me Savannah, after one of the characters. After that will be Gone Girl, because I never read the book and refuse to see the movie until I do, and Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl because Lena Dunham. And my boss actually recommended Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, which I feel I need to read, not because she’s my boss, but because I liked the sound of the plot and let’s be real, I like the title.

I could talk about books forever, but I’ll stop myself now out of courtesy to my readers.

IN THE COMMENTS: So…read any good books lately?

OBC 18: Top Places I Want to Travel

Everyone says that your twenties is the time to do most of your traveling. I fail. I went to Paris when I was seventeen for a ballet summer program (and ate ALL THE BAGUETTES), but since then, I have not left the country. Or the Northeast. Wait, is that right? OMG. I suck. Here’s a list of places I want to visit when I get my act together.

1. Santorini, Greece

2. The Sea of Stars, the Maldives

3. Anywhere in California (I’ve never been!)

Napa would be my first stop.

4. Rome, Venice, Verona, Tuscany. Just take me around Italy.

5. Sydney, Australia

Charleston, South Carolina

Savannah, Georgia

Paris, France….again. I never got to see the Eiffel Tower at night

This article “27 Surreal Places to Visit Before You Die” is pretty cool too.

IN THE COMMENTS: To where would you like to travel?

OBC 17: OOTD

Here’s what I wish: that I were at least in the middle of the petite sizes range so that petite clothes would fit me the way they’re supposed to fit. I’m technically in the petite height range (5’4 and under — and I’m very much in the “under” section), but I’m proportionate. People tend to think I’m obnoxious when I mention my measurements, but they seems to forget that I’m really short, so a 24-inch waist on me isn’t actually that small. I wind up having to get a lot of clothes altered, which gets expensive. I have an especially smaller waist, so finding pants that fit me properly, even in the petites section, is super challenging. Like this:

Isn’t that nice? Her pants aren’t falling off her waist. I mean, it’s nice that they make shorter pants for shorter women, but I really wish they’d acknowledge the women who are thinner in the torso area as well as short, and make pants that are more narrow. And I won’t lie: sometimes even petite pants are too long, but I can usually find pants at LOFT that fit me length-wise.

And then there are dresses. Ugh, dresses. I really like sheath dresses, but those damn things are always too wide. Again, why leave out the girls with small waists? Why? See this dress:

Now that’s a nice sweater dress. Doesn’t it look great on her? It wouldn’t on me. It would be way too long and loose on my torso. And have you any idea how difficult it is to alter a sweater dress? Ok, so I’ve never tried, but with my moderate sewing knowledge, I know it ain’t easy.

Not that I have a grudge against all clothing stores. H&M, Urban Outfitters, and LOFT usually accommodate me. But I still wish certain stores would create one size below 00 and XXS, for us way shorter ladies who simply want to avoid looking like a thug at work.

And that, in short, is why I don’t share OOTDs on work days. I’m not quite there yet.

And OH! This makes me happy. Thanks, Natalie!

OBC 16: Thankful Thursday

Yes, I’m way behind on this challenge, and no, it’s not Thursday.

But I’m still thankful for:

– Long phone calls with my mom

– Selfies that my dad emails me

– A great pizza/sandwich shop basically right below my apartment

– Pumpkin cider

– MY HEAT IS FINALLY ON

– Bosses who randomly tell you you’re doing a really good job in the middle of a phone call

– My friends. Just, my friends

– Fall weather is kind of sort of starting to get here

– The Halloween costume my friend helped me pull together at the last minute

– The irony of my not being able to find my Waldo costume from last year.

– No rain this week 🙂

–  The fact that, despite the dozens of times I’ve dropped my phone, my phone case is still in tact

– Walking through Beacon Hill at night

– The free Starbucks drink I have on my app! (It’s the little things)

– Hot showers. They might be one of my favorite parts of life.

– The fact that I can somehow still do a double pirouette.

– Slow Mondays that allow me to catch up on blogging at work

OBC 15: Link Love

“My sister’s awesome dating tip”

White Bean Tortellini Soup with Broiled Havarti Toasts

Autumn Lasagna with Creamy, Butternut Squash and Roasted Garlic Sauce, Seasoned Ground Turkey, Sage, Spinach and Mozzarella Cheese

Ell’s Kitchen (My best friend from my ballet life recently created this lovely blog in NYC)

There’s A New “Marcel The Shell” Video And It’s Freaking Adorable

33 Weird Thoughts Every Woman Starts Having In Her Mid 20s

Things Disney Princesses Do That’d Be Awkward If You Did Them

25 Famous Women on Childlessness

OBC 14: what’s on your playlist?

This is a bad representation of my musical interests, which include a lot of indie/alternative bands and hard-core rap. It would also be way more exciting if I hadn’t been too tired to find new music all week, hence the plethora of dance mixes on here.

“Leaving You” – Audien ft. Michael S.

“Extraordinary” – Clean Bandit

“Midnight” (Kygo Remix) – Coldplay

“Revolution” (Danny Diggz Remix) – Diplo

“Hideaway” – Kieza

“Ready for Love” – Felix Cartal ft.  Chloe Angelides

“Silvi”a – Miike Snow

“Baby Came Home” – The Neighbourhood

“Female Robbery” – The Neighbourhood

“Flawless” – The Neighbourhood

“Honest” – The Neighbourhood

W.D.Y.W.F.M – The Neighbourhood

“In Time” (Singularity Remix) – Peace Treaty

“Sunset” – The xx

“Outside” – Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding

 

 

OBC 13: favorite childhood memories

I think one of the reasons I find adulthood so frustrating is that I had the perfect childhood: parents all to myself, an amazing dog, friends who all lived within a two-house radius of me, Nantucket vacations, Christmas AND Hanukkah each December. It was pretty charmed life, I must say. Sure, I’ve had experiences lately that have trumped my best childhood memories, but there’s just something about our experiences as kids that’s simply magical–they’re untainted by the harsh realities of the world that we learn at certain ages. Maybe that’s why our childhood memories mean to much to us: they’re a reminder of a time when we experienced pure happiness, and worry wasn’t yet a thing. Here are a few of mine that I’ll hold on to for as long as I can:

1. Christmas

My Christmases were one step above perfect. Every year, not only did eat A LOT of cookies open a ton of presents (my mom has a bit of a shopping addiction), but I got to spend the season performing in The Nutcracker. You haven’t lived until you’ve sat on a giant 10-foot moving couch in a mouse costume while playing with fake cheese on a stage in front of thousands of people. The years that I performed in the Christmas Eve matinees were the best Christmases I’ve ever had. Schedule: show at noon, tea at The Ritz with my parents and family friends who came to see me in the show every year, then home to watch It’s a Wonderful Life and eat cookies with my parents and dog.

2. Romeo and Juliet

Did I mention my favorite place in the entire world is a huge stage? Performing with Boston Ballet in Romeo and Juliet may have been the most incredible experience of my entire life. For the role of Street Children, we had a ton of stage time, and a couple of choreographed dances, but we got to improv for the rest of the street scenes. For me, the ballet essentially consisted of running around on stage with my best friend, stealing fake fruit and splashing each other with imaginary water from the fake well. My cousin was also in it with me, and sometimes we huddled together during sword-fighting scenes. Oh, and I had a “solo” where I got to be on stage  by myself for 8 counts. Best 8 seconds of my life.

3. Vacations in Nantucket

It’s not as obnoxiously spoiled as it sounds. Well, I mean, my friend and I may have spent many of my days poolside at a bistro on the beach, getting burgers and Shirley Temples brought to our lounge chairs. But, I mean, ok fine, I was spoiled.

4. Trips to Maine

Each summer, my family, which included my best friend, would take a day trip to Maine to visit my aunt and uncle. The waves at the beach were huge (somehow that was more fun than dangerous), but the best part was Yummy’s, the candy store we would stop at on the way back. The walls were lined with every candy you could ever imagine, and as a young child, that’s like, a big deal.

So, that’s a snippet of my perfect childhood. Maybe I’ll never experience the innocence of being blissfully happy about a My Size Barbie, but I’ll always have those memories. Ew. I just said that. I’m done.

OBC 12: weekend highlights

I seem to have fallen into a weekend rut. Luckily it’s not a bad rut to be in: dinner with friends, bar, in bed for the entirely of the next day with TV, errands, TV. OH, and since I suck at keeping up with this challenge, here are my weekend highlights from LAST week.

Friday

My four best friends from college and I finally met up for dinner. This is especially pathetic because we all live with in one town of each other. It’s seriously insane how difficult it seems to meet up after living in the same building in college. Of course, we couldn’t walk up the street to get pumpkin beers and bacon grilled cheeses in college, so, one point for the real world. The plan was to go out after, but we were all exhausted and it was cold, so we went home and crawled into our beds instead. Sorry we’re not sorry.

Saturday

It rained, so I hated the world. I spent the day in bed with The Good Wife until I dragged myself out and to Beacon Hill to hang out with my cousin, who just moved there. Aside from wearing a backpack while walking in heels to her place (warning: majorly uncomfortable for your lower back), it was a great night. We got takeout from an Italian restaurant across the street and laughed hysterically at Awkward Family Photos before heading a few doors down to the Beacon Hill Pub, where I befriended a group of guys and ran into a girl I did ballet with a million years ago. Meeting guys and running into someone from your past = the typicalist of all typical Boston nights.

Sunday

Saw my Uber receipt from the night before. Proceeded to whimper. Tried to subdue my hangover with my hang over meal, bacon, egg, and cheese on a multigrain bagel from Dunkin. Wound up repeating Saturday and spending another day in bed watching TV. Not sure why I’m not writing complete sentences in this paragraph.

And since I’m so behind, I can even give you last weekend’s highlights:

Friday

– Dinner in Newton  with my best friends (at a restaurant that I will not disclose because that place is crowded enough!) where I had pumpkin cider for the first time. In a cinnamon-rimmed glass. Need I say more.

Saturday

– Brunch with my mom where she had the most amazing breakfast sandwich known to man and I had food envy

– Spent the night at my parents’ house watching The Big Bang Theory with my dog while my parents were at a cocktail party

Sunday

– Woke up to my dog hopping on my bed and kissing my face until I opened my eyes and gave her attention

– Amazing cinnamon sugar bagels from our favorite bagel shop

– My mom made Bolognese sauce which. Might have been the highlight of my entire weekend

Food is always the highlight of my weekends. It just always is.

 

 

 

 

OBC 11: what/ who inspires you most

Ugh ugh ugh. 10 days late? I’m not exactly sure why publishing a post every day (or even remotely frequently) has been such a challenge for me, but I guess that’s what happens when you just DON’T SLEEP EVER and get swamped at work. Again, I’ve totally been writing every day, my bosses just crush me with work immediately after I finish a post and I don’t have time to edit. Excuses, excuses.

So, sometimes I mistake motivation for inspiration. As an artist, I rely on inspiration to drive the work I’m passionate about. I use motivation to do work I’m not passionate about. When I don’t feel like doing my job administrative audit work, that’s lack of motivation. When I can’t write, that’s lack of inspiration. Yet, here I sit at work, groaning over Excel spreadsheets, planning to watch some sort of ballet variation or music video on YouTube because, as I tell myself, “I’m feeling uninspired.”

As we get older and gain responsibility, we tend to focus more on what we have to do and neglect what we want to do. Sure, we have our obligations, like going to work every morning, paying our bills, and taking care of whomever might depend on us (thankfully for me that’s just myself). More often than not, I’ll hear people say, “I have no motivation to ______.” But should we really spend our lives searching only for motivation, to find that little spark of physical energy within ourselves that will push us to do what we need to do? Why can’t we spend the majority of our time searching for inspiration that allows us to do what we want to do? Becoming self-sufficient is great and all, but we can’t lose ourselves in the necessities. I was constantly inspired in school, when my work consisted of reading novels and writing my own essays, poems, and fiction. In high school, I was even more inspired daily when I spent numerous hours at Boston Ballet. I was always peeking into the higher level classes to watch more advanced dancers, and when I was lucky enough to dance in a professional ballet, I studied the company dancers as much as possible in rehearsal and from the wings. But today, I spend my days around accountants, who are awesome, but I cannot, for the life of me, become inspired here. It is my opinion that inspiration should be as much a part of life as coffee and oxygen, and currently I’m working on finding mine again. Here’s my list of what has always inspired me:

1. My mom

Her job title is Administrative Coordinator, but as a mom she’s a chef, an interior designer, accountant,  stylist, and professional landscaper. I seriously don’t know how she does everything she does while working 40 hours a week. She also loves me more than anyone in the world ever has, except maybe my dad, and I’m in awe at how she is able to show me that every day.

2. My dad

My mom is a realist, but my dad is a dreamer. He has had his dream job for decades, and never stops talking about his passions (Ted Williams, photography, possible no-hitters). When I experience rare moments when I think, anything is possible, it’s because of him.

3. Books

I can’t not rush to my laptop to work on my novel while I’m reading a good book. If I hadn’t read so many amazing books, I wouldn’t be able to write anything. Though she only has a few published works, Jhumpa Lahiri is one of the authors that inspires me the most. And quantum theory lit (bet you didn’t know that was a thing) novels are incredible. Paul Auster is a fantastic author, and I’m incredibly inspired by his writing’s ability to cater to its readers.

4. Talented dancers

Again, I’m a writer, so I possess the skill of expressing almost anything through writing, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to describe the way I felt when I danced. I can, however, always tell when a dancer feels that way, because, to me at least, it’s visible in her dancing. I mean, let’s be real: Maddie Ziegler is one of the most inspiring dancers I’ve ever seen — and she’s eleven! If she had been famous when I was a young , aspiring dancer, I probably would have watched YouTube videos of her every day and improved because of it. And of course, any good ballet variation (these two are my favorites: 1. 2.) leaves me feeling like the world is a bit more beautiful.

I’m getting mushy. I should probably stop now.

Here’s hoping you all have some inspiration in your lives!